i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
