i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh god it's open bar.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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