Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
