Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
