Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
