my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
