You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
