I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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