I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
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Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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