just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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