my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
