So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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