$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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