Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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