I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
love makes seman taste better
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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