Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
