We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
