just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
