I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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