I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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