college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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