Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
