Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
