what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this just has baby written all over it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
