nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
