Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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