You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
