I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
