There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
