One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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