they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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