You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
