i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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