My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
