He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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