she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
