I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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