i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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