I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
