I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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