Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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