My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
