Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
