i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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