I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
