dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
