In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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