I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my shit smells like andre
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
