I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
