The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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