My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
