Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
