I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
