Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
