so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
