my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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