I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
