Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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