Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
