dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
