he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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