I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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