haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
