White coat. Heels.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
