Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need a beard to bite.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
