guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
