so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
