Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize