just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
