it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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