I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
