She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
