life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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