He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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