That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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