hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
